This week has been one of deep joy, panic, miracles, doubt, and blessing throughout. One of the miracles of the week that inspires me onward: I’ve been hired in the dream part-time job I applied for before I went to Mount Shasta! I reluctantly withdrew my application, following my intuition to go to Shasta, and was called back to the Bay Area the same day my employer returned from Turkey with the position still open!! I am the Assistant to the Provost of the Starr King School of the Ministry in Berkeley, a school for spiritual leadership for social change. I start Monday, with boundless gratitude and excitement!
By the grace of goddess I was able to sublet a room in the house of my mentor, Kohenet Taya Shere, and the opportunities to process and be supported and witnessed by her were a huge gift. Still, fears crept in, ‘where will I stay after this ends on Thursday? How will ‘I make it’ in this crazy expensive place? Will I be able to meet my basic needs?’ These things feel very real, and ultimately, they are not…one of the deep teachings I learned from Mount Shasta was to recognize the waking dream, to become lucid and explore from my center, knowing everything external to be a reflection/projection of the internal. Just as in a lucid sleeping dream, this opens me to conscious creation of my reality as if it were like Play-doh.
In that moment, the truth was that I was staying in a safe, beautiful space and had nutritious food to eat. I had all I needed and more. Taya suggested I make a compromise with my fears, giving them a space to be heard but with a limit. Perhaps 80% gratitude, 20% fear. One of my tools to shift from fear is to write the medicine song I am needing. These chants become a part of me, a mantra that surfaces as I’m going about my day and especially in times of need. I share them in hopes that they may bring peace to a part in you that also struggles. It’s clear that we are going through this together, this incredible turning in our evolution. All that we can’t take with us into a new paradigm of connection, healing, empowerment and Love is falling away now, and the process can be painful. It brings us face to face with our fears. We look around and see widespread violence, perverted national priorities, subtle and blatant oppression, hunger, homelessness, climate disaster, and essentially destruction of all that is familiar.
What are we creating in its place?
As we explore our personal experience of shadow, we’re challenged to ask (as Shefa Gold suggests, interpreting the story of Rivka/Rebecca and the wrestling of the twins in her pregnant belly): What am I birthing?
I am birthing a self that lives and embodies her spiritual knowing, trusting deeply in shekhina and accessing an inner strength that could only be discovered through the challenges I face. I’m birthing a more compassionate self, aware of suffering and dedicated to learning and sharing self-healing and self-empowerment. I’m birthing a new layer of confidence in myself and the medicine I’m here to share.
I’m co-creating a world of abundance, reverence for all life, and connection to our Source. A world of collaboration, intimacy, and respect. Unconditional love, harmony and justice. A world where we embrace one another for the medicines and gifts we each bring, working together to heal our planet, our society, our bodies and our relationships.
What are you birthing? What are you co-creating?
In love and solidarity,